Sunday, August 18, 2013

Sunday Satirical Admissions

Riquewihr, France-trekearth



















August 21, 2013 

bethesda.ministries.india@gmail.com 

Jai M Paul a friend of this blog 

Bethesda Church Ministries 

Hyderabad, India 

Prayers and Funds to be sent please on behalf of orphaned children 


I published my previous post on Friday. Satirical World Maps

If frequent readers are offended by the fact that I published an article on this blog Friday and now Sunday, I half apologize as the idea for this post arrived in my head basically just as I was revising the 'Satirical World Maps' article, as I almost always revise posts. I did not want to simply add-on to it as I have done to some posts in the past.

However if one has a real ethical problem with my actions as far as being an imposition upon their (limited) free will and lifestyle please send complaints to:

Complaints Department

Dr. Russ Murray

c/o Chuck The Monk or alternatively
c/o Bobby Buff
A Road To Nowhere, Antarctica

On the other hand...

Thank you

Good to see L.A. Philip today at Grace Van and Starbucks...

Thanks for the Iced Coffee.

Stained glass...

Metmuseum.org
Christ Giving the Keys to Peter, ca. 1315 at Cologne
Scenes from the Passion of Saint Vincent of Saragossa and the History of His Relics, 1244–1247 at Saint Germain des Pres, Paris
Sunday Satirical Admissions

When I about four or five years old in Port Coquitlam and my brother would play the instrumental 'Popcorn' on the stereo, I thought the track might be evil...

Also from the same era my family used to discuss the hippies that would drive too fast down the road and sell drugs in white and green vans... 

With the advent of Bob Ross later when I lived in Maple Ridge, I sort of saw hippies in a new light...'There'.

Sort of.

A few years after Port Coquitlam later in Pitt Meadows when my parents were off at an Amway event in the United States and if I was at home Saturday night, I would at around 4 p.m. order a large Pizza from 'Marina Pizza' which had Greek Pizza, and eat the entire pizza. Something I was only capable of accomplishing as a teenager when I weighed 150 pounds.

Today, I could not physically do this without likely becoming ill even though I weigh over 200 pounds now.

Occasionally back at Pitt Meadows, I would give a piece of pizza to the German-Shepherd Husky, Rebel (Jerk). I am sure he could have eaten half the pizza or more in the time it would have taken me to eat a piece or two.

By the way, large dogs are an excellent way to get rid of other food such as dishes you hate, like when your Mother makes liver...

At 4 P.M. I believe it was, because I would watch Hockey Night in Canada at 5 P.M. there was an evangelical, somewhat fundamentalistic Christian speaker that would have a call in show and play Christian music on the Rogers Channel which I think was channel 2 at that point in time. At that time I had no formal Biblical training and grew up in a family that was basically secular mixed with Christian and had to figure things out for myself, humanly speaking. I am not of course denying the work of God and God the Holy Spirit.

At the time I learned from the show but about ten years later I heard the same speaker with a similar type of show live as I was on a boat cruise of the Burrard Inlet in the Summer which I highly recommend. I have done it twice, once professionally which was this time mentioned and later a few years ago on a family friend's yacht.

The man was answering some questions and playing Christian music, but by this time seems to me I had a few years of Bible School at Columbia Bible College if not my BA and I may have been well into my MTS at Canadian Baptist Seminary and Trinity Western University. I found his answers too presumptuous, and simplistic. This may have been right about the time I was beginning to read philosophy and philosophy of religion texts somewhat for thesis work at CBS/TWU and for PhD preparation in the United Kingdom, as well as the heavy theology and Biblical Studies work I was involved in, but it showed me how knowledge and my spiritual growth had changed my outlook on teaching received.

I realized at that point I had progressed significantly in a decade and not in disbelief but educated belief.

Not Biblical model.-Google Images


Lunch meeting?-Google Images

42 comments:

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  2. The following questions were set in last year’s examination
    These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

    Q. Name the four seasons
    A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

    Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
    A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

    Q. How is dew formed
    A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

    Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
    A.. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

    Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
    A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

    Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
    A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

    Q. What are steroids
    A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

    Q.. What happens to your body as you age
    A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

    Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
    A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

    Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
    A. Premature death

    Q. What is artificial insemination
    A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

    Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
    A. Keep it in the cow

    Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
    A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..

    Q. What is the fibula?
    A. A small lie

    Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
    A. Nearby

    Q. What is the most common form of birth control
    A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

    Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
    A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

    Q. What is a seizure?
    A. A Roman Emperor.

    Q. What is a terminal illness
    A. When you are sick at the airport.


    Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
    A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

    ReplyDelete
  3. You will need to kill some enemies in a room with a fireplace which I found both times in the northeast part of the map and then Helmin will crawl out from under a bed and give you access to his shop. Believe it or not, The same process is done with these wicking pajamas, Solidarity always outdoes divisive conflicts.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I do not know the context. I did a quick search, perhaps the game 'Diablo'.

    Diablo and pajamas, not sure of the connection...

    Never heard of any kind of hero or superhero clad in 'jammies' but hey it is the 21st C we are not supposed to be 'judgmental'.;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Adorei os vitrais. Penso que é importante estudar, pesquisar, construir um laço com algum tema que enriquecerá nossa vida de conhecimento. Parabéns pela conduta e interesse pelo assunto, que faz de você um doutor no tema, com toda a humildade que percebo, lhe é peculiar. Congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  6. 'I loved the stained glass. I think it is important to study, research, build a bond with any theme that will enrich our lives with knowledge. Congratulations conduct and interest in the subject, which makes you a doctor on the subject, with all humility to realize, is peculiar. Congratulations!'

    I agree, Eva. Thank you.

    I have always enjoyed medieval and Gothic European churches.

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  15. Sorry, no part two this post, although some posts do have second parts and following. Who knows I may admit more later, especially if someone asked via comment.

    I have to measure my own personal interest versus viewer/reader demand...

    ReplyDelete
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  24. A Nun Grading Papers


    CAN YOU IMAGINE THE NUN SITTING AT HER DESK GRADING THESE PAPERS, ALL THE WHILE TRYING TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE AND MAINTAIN HER COMPOSURE!

    PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.

    KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

    1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

    2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

    3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

    4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

    5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

    6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

    7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD, WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

    8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

    9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

    10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

    11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

    12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

    13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

    14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

    15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

    16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

    17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

    18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

    19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

    20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

    21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

    22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

    23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

    24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

    25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.


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